Friends and friendships

Since I can remember I have struggled with friends and friendships.  I know that people come and go in your life and each person serves a purpose, I have grown to accept that.  What I struggle with is trusting the friends I have are true, that they aren't talking about you and poking fun behind your back.   I was never really accepted throughout junior high and high school.  I never quite found a place that I fit in.  There were the athletic popular people who would say high and then whisper at how pathetic or poor you were after you walked by and then there were the "druggies" who honestly were some of the coolest most accepting people I had ever met. The only issue I ever had was that I always felt pressured to do things I didn't want to, which in turn made me feel like I had people whispering about what a prude I was.
I too have done things in friendships that I wasn't proud of.  When I was 16 I had some of the best friends I could ask for.  We were always there for each other and had so much fun.  I blew that group of friendships up by choosing a guy over them.  That is something that I will forever regret, but it also taught me a valuable lesson in life. 
I have had many different groups of friends come and go since then, they have all served a purpose in my life.  I recently joined Beachbody and with it came an amazing team.  My local team is a great group of girls who have been great friends so far.  As of late though I feel like people are whispering behind my back because I decided to take a step back from "coaching" due to my life schedule.  People don't understand what it is like to be in my shoes so its really hard for me to not get defensive when they start questioning my decisions.
I am in this parenting thing alone, my son doesn't have a dads house to go to every other weekend, I don't have a fiancé who has adopted my child as his own and helps out. I do everything on my own.  Right now my schedule it so full I have no time for me or any sort of a social life and so it makes it really hard for me to keep friends because they cannot seem to understand that I cannot fit them into my scheduled constantly, its just too hard.  My son will always come first in my life and I honestly don't want anyone in my life who cannot accept that.


I can honestly say that right now I feel more alone than I have ever felt and I don't know how to change that.