Self Discovery

This past weekend was an eye opener for me.  For a long time now I have felt very empty like something has been missing.  I have told everyone for a long time that I do not want to get married and have a traditional family.  I think I have said it over the years to more convince myself than anyone else (I don't think anyone was convinced haha)


Anyways I attended an absolutely amazing wedding this weekend and to see and feel all the love that was shared it made me realize that I really do want that in life.  I want that someday.  After talking with a friend at the wedding I realized that I was lucky enough to have someone to call my best friend that I loved completely.  Although things didn't work out for us at that time, I do strongly believe that he was/is my one that I am supposed to be with and it will happen when the time is right.  The way I talked about him was the way I have heard others talk about their one true loves and the men or women that they spend their lives with.  I was lucky to have found that at a young age, but I know now that the timing wasn't right.


All I can do at this point is hope that fate brings me to where I need to be.  I know what I want in life and I am no longer going to hide behind my insecurities and fears because I was not living my life just merely placing a Band-Aid on it that was continuously falling off.  I tried so hard to convince myself that I was okay being alone for the rest of my life and spending it by myself, but I am not.  I look at my sister and her marriage and often find myself jealous or envious.  She is married to her best friend and although they argue they have so much fun together and I know that is what I want in life too!

Chasing Your Dreams

Recently I have been feeling empty, like I am really missing something in my life.  I think it has to do with my not chasing my dreams or doing anything that I am passionate about.  I wake up do my routine, go to a job that I can't stand (yes I am thankful I have one, but doesn't mean I have to like it!), get off work, pick up Cody, cook dinner, run him to his various activities, come home, go to bed, and wake up the next day and do it all over again.  I am living a life that I do not enjoy and find myself on auto pilot most of the time.


Thanks to a good friend who recently gave me the kick in the butt that I needed, I feel like some new life has been breathed into me.  I feel my motivation rejuvenating and I am starting to feel excited about opportunities again.  I have sat around for so long postponing things and making excuses (man am I good at that).  I realized its time for me to start making my dreams a reality and working towards what I really want and to start living my life by my design.
I want to educate people, adults and children alike.  I have been working on making as much money as possible so that I can get out of debt and start on my future, that is my first step.  I will not let anyone or anything get in my way this time, not even myself!