Living the COVID life as an Essential working Single Parent

 This new COVID life and all the changes that has happened has not been easy on any of us, however I can only speak from my experiences and my perspective.  I have watched so many friends struggle in different ways.  It blows my mind that one virus could do so much irreparable damage and I am not talking about medical ramifications of it.  I have seen my once thriving city slowly die and turn into a ghost town because we have a Governor who is so wishy washy and cannot make a firm decision or firm plan.  I know that many people will not see things as I do and that is ok as we all live different realities, have different priorities, and different perspectives.  

Being a single mom, a sole income, has been part of my story for 11.5 years, that portion has not changed and I have always made that work.  What has changed is the fact that my son is no longer physically going to school so he sits at home all day by himself, as I work in an office with no work from home option (and to be honest when I used to work from home I didn't enjoy it).  My son sits in front of a computer screen for many hours throughout the day, trying to learn from his teachers, who are doing the best they can with the circumstances they are presented, and trying to figure out this middle school life.  Not only has the experience of his first year of middle school been taken away, all of his sports have been delayed or cancelled so he went from doing something active every single day to nothing.  Sports did not only keep him active, but they taught him important life lessons like team work, how to work with people that you may not enjoy (because as adults we can definitely relate to that ha!), it teaches him strategizing, etc.  Now don't get me wrong I know this virus is real, I know people who have caught it, I do not know anyone who has passed as a result from it, however I believe that youth sports should not be shut down and should continue to go on, if they want to add extra precautions, then fine, but our kids are the ones suffering from all of this the most.  

I am not only terrified for the future of mental health and the human race, I am terrified for our kids mental health.  Yes, spending time alone is good for one's soul, however spending so much time alone is not healthy for anyone, the only way for them to obtain any social interaction is through online videos games or social media (which I do not allow my 11 year old on, he will not have social media until he is an adult because it is so easy to become a keyboard warrior and do irreparable damage to someone, but that is a topic for another post).  Human's are made to be social creatures.  

I am sure I will get a lot of flack (have already been attacked on my Facebook for my views haha) for how I see this "pandemic" and how I believe things should operate. I know I will get a lot of people who will say "well if everyone wore their masks like they were supposed to..." however, whenever I do go out (no I don't go party or to the bars I got out when it is necessary) I see a majority of people wearing their masks so to me that argument isn't really valid, if the masks worked as well as they are said to then we wouldn't be seeing this spread like it does.  My view is that people need to take personal responsibility for themselves and their family.  I am also NEVER going to judge someone for having a difference perspective or experience than I do. 

I continue to see so many small business close their doors permanently and it breaks my heart that something someone has worked so hard for just be gone in the blink of an eye because someone in "power" is making these decisions.  As a citizen of the United States I value my rights and hate seeing someone try to take them away.  We need to stand up or this will not go away and we are going to lose everything that people have fought for both past and present.  

Life isn't always sunshine and roses, but it is what you make it

Life has hit me full force lately.  As some may already know I had vertical sleeve gastrectomy surgery on 01/21/2019.  Thankfully I have had no complications from that surgery for almost 1.5 years.  However on Tuesday 05/19/2020 I had a sever gallbladder attack, first time I have ever had an issue with my gallbladder.  If you have had one then you know my pain haha.  It completely debilitated me.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance too, so I know if I felt the pain at a 10 it was not good.  I was debating on whether or not to try and make it to the ER, mind you I couldn't get up off the couch or really move at all. I used a heating pad with some CBD drops and was able to dull the ache a little with it finally subsiding about 4 hours later.  I called my surgeon's office the next morning and they got me in for an ultrasound and confirmed that I had gallstones.  This is a common side effect from the surgery I had and I would only continue to have more attacks so they decided they wanted to remove my gallbladder.  So this Friday 5/29/2020 I will go in to get my gallbladder removed.

This will be my third surgery in 1.5 years, my second one was my ACL reconstruction in November 2019, which I am still in recovery from (long process for recovery unfortunately).  Along with all that I started a new job in March, which I love so that is great but it brings its own highs and lows haha!  I love the new environment and the fact that I have my own clients that I get to work with, I love most of the people I work with and most days are generally great.  I do not enjoy the inner office drama (not as terrible as where I was before, but still annoying and avoidable if people learned to control their attitudes).

The last few days have been really hard on my heart.  I have had a lot come at me all at once, which has caused a lot of anxiety.  Trying to take it day by day and make a list of what I can do and don't worry about the things I can't get to before my surgery.  I also think all this quarantine and COVID BS has taken a toll on me more than I would like to admit.  I miss being out at Cody's sports and being busy all the time. 

I am choosing to look at the bright side of things, I have gotten some much needed things done around my house, I have an amazing support system, I have a job that I love and is flexible, and I am alive, breathing, and healthy.  Life is all about perspective!

Finding Something you are Passionate about... a Hobby!

I started this blog 4 years ago as a way to inspire people and to do something that I love.  I thoroughly enjoy writing and sharing my ongoing story in hopes that it will help someone who may be going through something similar.  As I read some of my prior blog posts I am reminded of just how far I really have come. 

I am finally at a point in my life where I can say that I am truly happy in almost every aspect.  Sure I still have days where the self doubt and self consciousness creeps in, but who doesn't.  Those days are few and far between now because I no longer allow them to define me.  I find a way to push past it and  know that I am amazing, I am beautiful (inside and out), and most importantly I am worth it!  I know the value that I hold, the love I have to offer, and the undying kindness in my heart, which has made all the difference for me.

It wasn't easy getting to where I am today.  It was about 3.5 years ago that I hit my lowest low and its been an uphill battle from there, but I wouldn't change it for the world.  Since I have made improvements with myself I have noticed the positive impact it has had on Cody as well.  Almost 1.5 years ago (crazy to think it has been that long already)  I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  This wasn't a decision I took lightly, in fact it took me two years of research before I made the decision.  Before you say well that was the easy way out, let me tell you it most definitely was not.  To have a major surgery where you could die is not something to take lightly.  I did work pre-surgery as well and had monthly visits with a dietitian, which helped tremendously.  If there is one thing that I have learned is that you get as much out of each opportunity in life as you put in.  I worked hard with my program and started making the necessary changes prior to surgery because I knew that it would help with my recovery and the life long changes that I needed to make after surgery.  It was a struggle, but I pushed through and did really well.  Since my highest weight in June of 2018  I have lost almost 100lbs.  It was never really about the weight loss for me though.  It was about my health and how my body felt.  I was 30 and felt like I was in my 60's, I didn't have much energy or the will to really want to do anything.  I knew that I didn't want to continue to live my life that was and something needed to change.  The tipping point for me was when I was told that I was pre-diabetic.  This was a huge wake up call for me and it was at that time that I knew I had to change.  We have a lot of medical co-morbities that run throughout my family and diabetes was one of them.  I knew that I didn't want that to be my fate so I made the decision to change my life that day.

Part of the process for surgery was to obtain a psych evaluation.  If you have read my previous posts you will understand why this made me nervous.  Turns out I had nothing to worry about.  After having a session with the psychologist and doing their little (and by little I mean long) quiz it was determined that I had been misdiagnosed and did not in fact have bipolar or borderline personality disorder.  He does believe that I do go through waves of depression (which is actually very common), but that I do not and never did have Bipolar or BPD.  It seemed so insane, but really made so much sense to me as over the last few years I had stopped taking any kind of meds and really started focusing on what I was putting into my body and trying to be as active as possible and felt like all that had "cured" me or that I at least had it under immense control.  I was informed that you don't just "cure" yourself from either of those and that based on everything I had told him (I was overly honest, lets be real here haha) he believed that I had been misdiagnosed with both. 

Fast Forward to surgery day, I was nervous beyond belief.  Not necessarily for the surgery itself or even the recovery, but to go under anesthesia.  I came out alright, obviously (cannot say that without hearing it in Professor Snape's voice... if you don't know who that is then you need to go watch Harry Potter!), my recovery went really well, I was dropping pounds and pants sizes like nobody's business.  I had more energy and just felt so much better about everything.  I was going to the gym almost everyday and really looked forward to it (that rush of endorphin's after a good hardcore workout is unreal!) I was becoming more active and enjoying things more. 

With more activity came more stress on my knee (injured it playing soccer, torn ACL, happened when I was 21).  It had been 11 years since my injury and so I decided it was time to get an MRI and see what it looked like now as I had never actually gotten it fixed, but just learned to live with it.  Turns out I needed surgery, technically I could have not had it and maybe been ok, but I wouldn't be able to play sports again like I had wanted.  So November 26, 2019 I faced a fear that had haunted me for 11 years (the pain of injuring my knee was worse than labor, let's just say that haha).  I had also used my injury as an excuse, a crutch, to be lazy and be "okay" with it.  I am doing better now and got cleared to start the running program of recovery (I am not a runner so haven't done much with this at the moment), but overall my recovery hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be and honestly am kicking myself for not getting it fixed sooner!

When I turned 30 I made a promise to myself that I was truly going to strive to live my best life.  That is something that I have been holding myself accountable to.  I felt like I wasted so much of my 20;s caring way too much about what other people thought of me, which in reality I learned it was just me projecting what I thought of myself!  People don't actually care that much about others as they're too focused on worrying about themselves and their own insecurities.  I have lots more to share, but I will save some for another post soon!