So I know I said I was going to go live on Facebook however I decided I wanted to post on my blog. Over the last few months I have found myself in a very dark place; it has gotten to the point recently to where I wake up each day and wonder what the point of life is, why am I here? I just wake up and go through the motions every single day. I may appear to be happy, I may seem to be happy unfortunately I've gotten really good at Faking It. It's gotten bad enough to where I can't stand to be around people. I don't want to be around people, I don't want to be social, and I don't want to talk to anybody. Honestly I wanted to give up! I've been struggling in every aspect of life. I feel 100% alone everything that I do I do it alone everything that I go through I go through alone. I look at all these happy couples and I envy what they have and it makes me angry that I didn't get dealt that hand. I have found myself more and more recently comparing my life to everybody else's and let me tell you when you start doing that your life and your outlook on life just becomes dark, dreary, and downright miserable.
I needed you guys to know this and understand where I'm coming from so that you can understand why what I am going to tell you is a big change for me. Obviously I haven't been working out, I haven't been eating clean, I haven't really done much of anything other than stuff my face to try to make my feelings go away; or sleep so that I don't have to live in my reality. So that I could Escape to a dream world where I feel like I have control.
Truth is I allowed myself to lose complete control of my life and everything and I'm ready to take it back! I need to take it back or I'm not going to survive. I cannot keep living like this. So my first change, thanks to a good friend, is going to be reading the book which I posted "Mastering your mean girl" by Melissa Ambrosini. Second change which I posted a picture of this as well will be that I have planned out my menus I have planned out my meals for the next 4 weeks tonight I prepped them well until I ran out of food gotta go back to the store. Anyways the Third change will be this program called Core De Force. This is going to be hard, it is going to be challenging, and quite honestly I hope that it breaks me. I hope that this program makes me cry while I'm doing it or after I do it because then I know that it's working and that it's truly changing me. The last thing that I've done is I've set goals for myself (this is not something that just have ever really done for myself) I've set 30, 60, and 90-day goals. I've also made a list of the reasons why I need this change and why I want it.
I am going to post my goals below as well as my list of why I need this and why I'm doing this.
30 days (12/7/16):
- able to walk up the stairs without getting winded.
- down 1 pant size.
- down 15lbs
- sleeping better
- more energy
60 day goals (1/6/17):
- able to do 10 push-ups on my toes with no pause
- down 2 pant sizes
- cleared up skin
- no longer craving sugar
- feeling comfortable in my own skin
90 day goals (2/5/17)
- able to sit up all the way on a crunch/sit up
- able to do 25 push ups on my toes
- lost 40 lbs
- down 4 pant sizes
- feeling good confident
My Why:
* I need to be able to keep up with Cody!
* I need to be healthy mentally which starts with my physical health!
* I want to feel attractive and beautiful inside and out.
* I want my trips to Vegas and NOLA to be remembered as happy and Blissful not as feeling self-confident.
* I want and need to sleep better and feel more energetic.
I want to thank everybody who's taken the time to support me and read this I really appreciate it!!
