Self Discovery

This past weekend was an eye opener for me.  For a long time now I have felt very empty like something has been missing.  I have told everyone for a long time that I do not want to get married and have a traditional family.  I think I have said it over the years to more convince myself than anyone else (I don't think anyone was convinced haha)


Anyways I attended an absolutely amazing wedding this weekend and to see and feel all the love that was shared it made me realize that I really do want that in life.  I want that someday.  After talking with a friend at the wedding I realized that I was lucky enough to have someone to call my best friend that I loved completely.  Although things didn't work out for us at that time, I do strongly believe that he was/is my one that I am supposed to be with and it will happen when the time is right.  The way I talked about him was the way I have heard others talk about their one true loves and the men or women that they spend their lives with.  I was lucky to have found that at a young age, but I know now that the timing wasn't right.


All I can do at this point is hope that fate brings me to where I need to be.  I know what I want in life and I am no longer going to hide behind my insecurities and fears because I was not living my life just merely placing a Band-Aid on it that was continuously falling off.  I tried so hard to convince myself that I was okay being alone for the rest of my life and spending it by myself, but I am not.  I look at my sister and her marriage and often find myself jealous or envious.  She is married to her best friend and although they argue they have so much fun together and I know that is what I want in life too!